Entrepreneur and Alone

Recently, I was having a free-reeling conversation over coffee with a friend of mine. He is a fellow entrepreneur and a very successful one. A few minutes later, we began discussing our personal lives, or the lack thereof. He shared an issue that many, who are on their start-up journey, would relate to.

Let’s admit it, entrepreneurship is a lonely business. Unless you have an existing co-founder or a partner, chances are you will be spending most of your time alone. Contrary to popular perception, as glamorous or enticing the journey of an entrepreneur sounds, this is the less openly discussed reality of the journey.

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While it is rather commonplace to start out in a team, there are many who venture out on their own, for various reasons. Having a team is no deciding criterion for success or failure, but a team plays a crucial part in providing a sense of stability and companionship, especially during the rough early days. Unless a person is inside the startup, s/he can never truly understand the pressures or challenges that the person at helm faces. Family and friends do pitch in, but they can only do so much. The worries or stress arising out of the work, which is ever morphing, is difficult to explain and hence the feeling of loneliness lingers on. Moreover, it is a bad idea to fraternize, beyond a point, with the people who work for you. Not only it is improper, it can even be disastrous. It can create various problems, ranging from dilution of chain of command, complicated work dynamics to the extremes of sexual harassment cases if the employees feel uncomfortable. Now, you would not want to explain to the investors why a large chunk of their money went into settling a lawsuit.

Outside the startup, at least in the initial days, there is little to no social interaction. Most engagements are purely business transaction. Of course, you will get to meet a lot of new people, some of them terrific even; some provide excellent lessons, but hardly any who you can hang out with. In structured organizations, you find lot of equals/peers, working in similar scale, grade, role or profile. In a startup, you find vendors, clients, service providers, buyers and sellers; but no peers. There is a purpose to with which you meet a person and even if you decide to meet for a coffee or drinks, there is some agenda and that is that. Odd and long working hours make it difficult to catch up with friends and family who observe fixed work weeks. I hardly know of any entrepreneur who follows fixed working hours. Nonetheless, it is essential to carve out time for non-work related events, with people who matter on a personal level.

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Summits, conclaves and other such events are places where you will see flocks of entrepreneurs because networking is critical for startups. It opens avenues for new partnerships, and is a goldmine for knowledge and ideas. While it gives some sense of satisfaction to talk to fellow crusaders and swap stories, experiences etc., all one ends up doing is making a lot of valuable acquaintances. Without doubt these are important connections for furthering the venture. It is, however, doubtable if you can call anyone of them in the middle of the night when having a low moment.

In more informal social settings, some entrepreneurs perform even worse. Passion for their venture actually acts against them. At parties and functions, while most people are looking for small talk or light conversation, you might find an entrepreneur sticking out like a sore thumb, explaining the beauty of her/his idea or detailing the startup’s vision, the intricacies of its operation or the devilishly clever marketing strategy they implemented. While I’m always up for listening about new ventures and strategies, shoptalk can be a real downer if you are trying to establish yourself as a fun person. I won’t call such talks as unwinding for a common person. Once in a while, you need to put some space between your life and your venture.

An amusing attribute that entrepreneurs learn to live with, is being broke, perpetually. Money is a critical component for any venture, especially if you are bootstrapping, and invariably, always in short supply. Expenditures and overheads are huge, while inflows are limited. More rapidly a venture moves, more cash it burns. Entrepreneurs raise every penny they can, from wherever they can. In such a scenario, personal expenditure takes the first hit. One less movie makes sense. One less night out finances one week of Facebook ads. While such calculations are good for the venture, they aren’t so great for the personal life. A little recreation can help recharge your batteries and lets you connect with people.

Entrepreneurship has a notorious side to it as well. Don’t let your personal life be robbed by your own passion. Reach out to people who you feel comfortable with. Make meaningful connections when you can. Sanity is more lasting than success.

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Don't be an entrepreneur, aloof and alone, stay connected and happy.

Thanks to Meenakshi Aggarwal for edits and inputs.

Entitled, Reckless and Cruel

Truth be told, I was thinking of writing this piece for some time now. Thanks to insensitive tweet of Shobhaa De, it has finally come out.

Off late, I have seen an alarming rise in culture of public bashing and slandering over social media. People feel entitled to make comments, observations and flaunt opinions over a wide range of topics. Interestingly, if one were to question these self-proclaimed experts over their knowledge and research behind the comments, it would either be ‘thorough research’ conducted on social media forums (read Facebook), or propelled by someone else’s comment (second hand arguments) or very simply the fact that they can, thanks to the great freedom of thought and expression. Mind you, this is the most popular phrase taken out of the beautiful, pithy Indian Constitution (the rest of which we have no clue about). More interestingly, the issues on which opinions are being thrown around have little to no real meaning or concern for the people writing them. Had they been driven by true passion for a cause, I would have been delighted. But when the comments are fueled by the need for a few moments of cheap publicity, it becomes nauseating. Further, it becomes worrisome when celebrated and renowned authors join this bandwagon, especially the ones who call themselves opinion shapers. Fame or reputation obtained by an individual in a certain aspect of life should not make them feel entitled to attack or demean the efforts or character of other individuals.

When someone throws around opinion, the point that is conveniently skipped is the impact that it creates. Given the mind-boggling reach of internet and longevity of content once it gets online, the potential of causing damage to someone’s reputation or morale is catastrophic. The recklessness of people is almost infinite. Sweeping statements, unfair generalizations, faulty extrapolations are commonplace. The World Wide Web has placed small nuclear weapons of mass destruction into the hands of everyone with access to internet. Sensationalism overshadows sensibility. Excitement overpowers rationality. If trial by media was not dangerous enough, trial by social media is becoming hyper trend. Let us say first and fact check later. The ability to comment on someone feeds our ego and somehow makes our own miserable lives a little better. My shortcomings remain private; rest of the universe is fair game.

And if just the ability to recklessly air opinion is not enough, it has to be cruel too, just for good measure. There has to be an extra grind. The cowardliness of hiding behind a screen while slaughtering someone would have been amusing had it not been so distasteful. The frustrations of our own lives can easily be projected on someone else, without even having to face them. There is a great perversity in this kind of confrontation. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on the side where one stands, when the damage is being done, the party who has initiated the assault is far away, shielded from any fallout that might have come out of their words. The shots are fired in the dark, without any concern for repercussions. Who it hits, how and when is not even an afterthought. If everything goes well, it attracts popularity and if it backfires, it was unintended.

The virtual world of the internet has somewhat eroded the fact that ultimately, there are real people at the other end too. People who feel, people whose lives and livelihoods can be destroyed, people who can get demotivated or even outraged.

As clichéd as it sounds, indeed, with great power comes great responsibility. We have been given tremendous power and privilege to express our opinions and it is propelled by amazing advancements in technology. At the same time, it has acquired a disastrous potential for causing devastation too. The responsible thing to do is to strike down this culture of feeling entitled to behave recklessly with cruelty. Let’s make our thoughts deeper, sincere and constructive.

Better things worth spreading are hope and happiness.

Thanks to Meenakshi Aggarwal for edits and inputs.

Failed experiment

I see a small section of people who stand-up for what they want. They do the jobs they like, marry the people they love, travel to destinations they dream even if they have to hitchhike. They do all that facing a lot of resistance and hardship, from society as well as family.

Some of them end up having just ordinary lives. No opulence, no fanfare.

Just ordinary.

This gives a lot of satisfaction and a sense of security to the society, which can label this small, adventurous population as a failed experiment.

But what the society can't fathom is the level of satisfaction and happiness this small population experiences even in their so-called ordinary life. They enjoy each day and each experience as life presents it. They find meaning in their existence rather than face compulsion of routine. They keep exploring, experimenting, enjoying the forbidden fruit.

They are not a failed experiment, they are the next iteration of evolution.

Memories

Memories... Keep the right ones.
Not all things end well. But if we can just remember the good parts, they can take us a long way.

Delusion

Some delusions are better than reality.

Tragedy of Glory

The brightest and the strongest, the ones that do so much for the world are often the ones who are the loneliest! 

My Moon

Well, even in relationships, someone always loves more than the other.

And then, there are times when the one you love is not with you. It is really sad to love and not be loved back.

But don't let that scare you from loving someone. It takes courage and character to love someone selflessly.

Love like you would love the Moon.

Alone

I captioned it 'Alone'.

Contrary to popular belief, being alone doesn't essentially means absence of physical company.

Over the years, I have been in relationships, been out of it, lived among friends, lived in seclusion, had a very social life and been a recluse too. With all the experience that I gathered from all the interactions, I have come to interpret the term alone in a much broader sense.

Being alone is not just an absence of physical company, it is a much more complex mental state. Many of us would have felt alone in a room full of people. I, for one, have.

Sometimes, being trapped in situations and relations also make us feel alone. This loneliness, the one that exists even with people around, is particularly more taxing and daunting than being alone in the traditional sense of the word.

I have experienced another form of loneliness. I really can't put my finger on it, but I believe it is intellectual loneliness, the feeling of being unable to find people who match our wavelength, 'Our kind of People'. I so want to surround myself with people who just get what I'm saying. The Magic that happens when we don't need to complete our sentences. The message gets conveyed before the words are spoken. Of all the times I have felt alone, this one has been the worst kind.

Feel free to pen your thoughts on the topic.

Because it's not your fault

My Dear One,

I'm writing this to you even without knowing who you are or how you are going to be. But I need to write this for I know who I'm and how I need to be, rather, how I want to be.

I'm hurt. I'm broken. Shattered. But when you walk in, I resolve to be whole again and to give you all of myself. It might take some time, but I'll get there. You shall not be forced to suffer with some damaged goods because it's not your fault.

I feel betrayed. Deeply let down. But with you, I'll learn to take chances again. I'll trust you with all my strength. I'll learn to depend on you and be there for you always. There shall be no walls to keep you out because it's not your fault.

I feel angry. I feel vengeful. But with you, I'll find love again. I'll look for peace and compassion that you bring and shall cherish you. You shall never be a channel for misguided hatred because it's not your fault.

I want to be mean. Selfish. Even cold to emotions. But I want to share with you, warm up to you. I'll care for you, protect you, defend you and even fight for you. I'll never let you feel alone because it's not your fault.

I might not be what I used to be. I have changed. But I'll never ask you to change on my behalf. I shall never try to make you into someone you are not or secretly hope that you replace someone I had. I'll celebrate who you are. I want you to know that I want you and you alone. Nothing that happened matters because it's not your fault.

It might have been my fault which has left me where I'm. Or not. But I know this for sure, that it's not you and that it's not your fault.

Rationality vs. Emotions

We live in a fast moving world, a competitive world. A by-product of this lifestyle is the notion that all our decisions need to be governed by rationality, to which goal, the emotions present themselves as hindrance. So, how should we act? How should we decide what to do? Rationally? What is being rational, one may ask!

Is being detached, goal oriented the only aim of rationality?

Emotions are the essential element of us, the humans. The ability to feel and express joy, sorrow, compassion is what distinguishes us from the other beings. Not just feeling, but expressing too.

Rationality might suggest that we work long hours and make more money, doing mundane jobs. But to what end? Emotions connect us with people, enabling us to reap the fruit of work we do. Rationality may also limit us from taking risks and command that we play it safe. But what about the things that excite us? The career or the big idea, however odd or unconventional, that we really want to pursue. The insane adventure trip that we want to embark upon so badly. The vacation with family that we have been planning since ages, but keep putting off due to so many rational reasons. What’s stopping us? Rationality?

A popular notion suggests that emotions are wasteful, drain on energy and ultimately make us weak. Rationality is devoid of such distractions and leads to higher efficiency. But humans are not machines, designed to simply perform a task based on programming or algorithms. They are inherently emotional beings, who feel and thus, should freely express their feelings. This is essential to their existence and their sound mental health. Then why, for uncountable reasons, humans try to be more mechanical, more rational?

While it can be seen that in the short run, rationality can give better results, but can these results be sustained over a longer period of time? Can being emotionally dissatisfied, forever, be a desirable state? How long can we rationalize giving up the joys of living like a human being? A human being who gets happy, sad, excited, scared, passionate and who displays compassion for his fellow beings. Moreover, a huge amount of time is spent in convincing ourselves that we are fine. Won’t it be better if we actually felt fine? It seems like a no-brainer: emotions are essential.

So, what stops us? For one, it is the higher premium that is being on external gratification rather than internal satisfaction. As long as it can be externally, materialistically displayed that we are doing fine, no one bothers to ask if we are feeling fine. Rationality can certainly help us get there. Take the wise route to ape success and be a part of the ‘haves’. We can always comeback and weep in the confines of our bathroom, but it must not be common knowledge. Then there comes the good old society. There is a constant pressure to perform certain tasks and attain certain trophies to qualify being a reputed member of the society. The sole purpose is to prove that you are not a nut-case, but a rational, thinking part of the society. Outliers are hard to categorise and hence a threat to society. Also, being a misfit is difficult, stressful and requires a lot of self-confidence. It is very frequently accompanied by ridicule from peers for not being like them. For most, the cloak of rationality hides their inner insecurities. It is more comfortable to feel what others are feeling instead of voicing their own emotions and risk being an outcast.

While there is no denying that rationality, in measured doses, can indeed help; let it be tempered with emotions for a more fulfilling, wholesome life. Let us not keep rationality and emotions at the two ends of the spectrum. Blur the lines. Let them make space for each other. By doing so, not only will we have a more productive, meaningful existence, we will also live up to the distinction of being a ‘Human’ being. Lay all your inhibitions to rest, feel and express.